In case you’re unaware, earlier this year we launched a new series called I Love…, in which we highlight various entities and forms of content in- and outside of our usual spheres. It started with my personal love letter to boutique ambient labels, and as for today’s episode, well, you’ve read the title already…
I suppose that title does warrant some explanation. For most of the Everything Is Noise crew, that sentence would’ve come without the surprised ‘apparently?’ at the end, and would be a scant opportunity for a whole article; in fact, I don’t think there’s a single soul on the team who would bother with something like this. That alone should tell you that there’s more to this than a certain factor of novelty. With this, I would like to delineate my path within, outside, and back towards this genre that, ultimately, marked the beginning of my deeper connection with music.
For the longest time during my childhood and early adolescence, music was something that happened outside of my sphere of interest. I consumed it passively and never really sought out any opportunities to interact with it more closely. At times I even boastfully declared how much I disliked music, whatever that’s supposed to mean. All around me, though, people were listening to music that would eventually shape the way I came to appreciate it after (dare I say?) getting over myself. Within my family alone, there was stuff from mainstream r’n’b to classical music to prog rock bouncing around, so it’s no surprise to me now that those are some major touchstones for my current taste. And yet, I felt no need to let those sounds into my heart at the time.
This changed somewhere around 2008, when I first began to engage with music in earnest. Coincidentally, this was when I experienced my first real heartbreak (three cheers for teenage angst!) and realized the first onset of the depression that would later take its toll on my listening habits – more on that later. All the quote unquote ‘superficial’ music I was surrounded by suddenly felt like a dull sting in my ears and heart; I needed something real, something darker, something that would reflect the true extent of my bitterness towards the world around me (as most teens, I was quite melodramatic back then – me being a theater kid didn’t help one bit). That’s where metal entered the stage, beckoning me to embrace its gritty truth.
My entry point was, to nobody’s surprise, nu-metal. Yeah, yeah, I know. Such a cliché. But it’s true! The push and pull of energetic, propulsive music and angsty lyrics struck a chord within me that continues to ring to this day. From there, I basically wormed my way through the adjacent metal-isms, be that groove, -core, alternative, … I hoovered up anything that would grant me some emotional connection in those mentally (hormonally) turbulent times.
A dissonant seed had been planted early on, though: when I read about The Mars Volta winning a Grammy over my then-favorites Disturbed, I wondered how the hell that group of weirdoes (nice self-awareness, past me) could beat the coolest band on the planet (nice taste, past me). So I went and listened. And was repulsed. That repulsion did leave a small series of question marks on my perception of self and in turn my listening habits, though: Music can sound like that? You’re allowed to be weird and perplexing? People might actually celebrate you for being different?
From there, I gradually got into the whole alt-prog scene of the mid-‘00s and made a sharp turn into progressive metal with the advent of, you guessed it, djent. That was a huge turning point for me. It was the first time I could observe and take part in a scene from day one, something I could truly make my own. I remember sharing Periphery with my friends when I discovered them around the release of their debut album, and they would end up being one of the bands we could all agree on. Meshuggah’s “Bleed” became an inside joke of sorts, us spouting the main riff at each other at random intervals. We even got to see Tesseract and Periphery together.
Later on, in 2016, this interest in djent and all it entails (I had subsequently been turned on to various genres like electronica, post-rock, indie folk, and modern jazz by members of that scene) made me apply for It Djents on a whim. As you can tell from me literally shoving this article into your eyes, I got accepted, and I got to share my passion with a like-minded group of people that, in some small ways, helped shape the face of the djent scene. This is where the cracks began to form, though. Not only was I exposed to artists that would later become cornerstones of my tastes outside of metal, I also realized that there needn’t be any ‘balance’ (whatever that’s supposed to mean) between my heavier and less heavy tastes. And so, I drifted from deep within the metal sphere to its mere periphery, only to – unexpectedly – plop out of it completely. The sheer momentum of my lust for discovery had displaced me within the vast oceans of sound, with only strands and fragments of other music to hold on to for dear life.
In truth, there was one deciding factor in me turning away from metal for a while: an unchecked and all-devouring sense of depression. A small instance of burnout had reignited the slumbering darkness that made my teenage years a bit of a nuisance (mildly put), and it devoured all the energy I had in my body, to the point where anything louder, more kinetic than, say, dream pop would evaporate in my ears like a particularly intrusive drop of rain. From around late 2017 to early 2024, metal was reduced to a memory, a shadow billowing at the edge of my perception. Life became a downward spiral, and at some points I didn’t even bother getting out of bed for days. I barely scraped by, and somehow managed to finish my bach degree, but the moments of joy and relief were few and far between.
Last year, I found a job. One that I enjoy doing, surrounded by people whose presence and insight I value. The whole application process, which I now realized was supposed to be my last hurrah before giving in to my demons completely, forced me to face the world again, and luckily, I returned to the light unscathed; bent, but not broken. Now, living on my own in a new city and on my own money, my thirst for music was rekindled, though metal remained a bit of a red cloth. I slowly started building up my tastes again, particularly in the directions of ambient, jazz, and world music (qawwali in particular had my heart aflame). In early 2024, progressive rock made its comeback on my radar, and soon enough, metal would follow.
I don’t even remember why or how – I’m guessing it was at the suggestion of a fellow EIN member – but I began checking out some metal records again earlier this year. A nostalgic yearning for the djent/tech metal classics fueled this new lease on heavy music, and I even became excited at the prospect of a new Job For A Cowboy record. The new Slimelord record was the clear watershed point, though: from there, I knew I was back in. 20 Buck Spin then roped me in with Civerous and Tzompantli, Ulcerate unleashed a volley of awe-inspiring bleakness, and yes, JFAC absolutely killed it. As did Alcest, by the way. A few key releases that showed me how deep the roots of my love for heavy music still went. At the same time, I was revisiting old favorites and discovering a handful of older bands I never really bothered with before.
With that being said, there’s one key difference now: metal will never be the main focus of my listening habits ever again. To me, that’s a good thing. There are just too many kinds of sounds, genres, and scenes out there that I hold dearer in my heart despite the memories and history I have with metal. Within the larger, more colorful mosaic of my music collection, it will be nothing more than ‘just’ another tile. Which is already more than I would’ve anticipated even two years ago, though. My return to heavy music has made my listening habits livelier and enriched my daily experience, so I don’t need to make it my main obsession to feel its weight and presence again. We’ll be like old friends that meet up sometimes to catch up on things and dream about the future, and I’m thoroughly looking forward to it.
All this to say that I love metal, apparently. (roll credits)
